She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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