She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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