he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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