i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
