so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
