My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
