Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
