some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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