I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The Olympian is in my bed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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