Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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