hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
