I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
