Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need to align my fucking chakras
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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