Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
