i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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