remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
