exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
