His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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