My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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