How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize