This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
