plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
