i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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