i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
