i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The best revenge is premature balding
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
