Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
