we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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