did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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