I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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