Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
