Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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