i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
