fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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