All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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