I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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