the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
