i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
