I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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