Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
