Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
