Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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