I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
