I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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