I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
