after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
