I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize