I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
