she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
