Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize