My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
