The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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