I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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