Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Come see our sink grown plant.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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