Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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