there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
