just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
