Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize