i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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