I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
