one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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