I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
