dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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