Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
