May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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