Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
