I wish my penis had an off switch
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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