If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Randomize
