Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
