i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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