how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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