I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
