Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
