how can u be prego again
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My ass is underappreciated
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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