I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
