All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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