How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
