WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
