If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
