Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
