She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
