I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
