i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
