I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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