i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
