WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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