false alarm. still invincible.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
